Grawlix-style Pizza
A hybrid of Detroit style, Chicago style, and standard American style.
Maybe you could call it a Great Lakes pizza, but fuck that. I invented it, so I’m naming it after me.
The ingredients are inverted from the traditional pizza you know and love: toppings on the bottom, cheese in the middle, and sauce on top. There is a logic to this.
Cheese is under the sauce, so the sauce doesn’t make the bread slippery. I hate it when I bite into a pizza and when I pull back, the cheese starts sliding right off. This fixes that.
The toppings are under the cheese so they don’t fall off. They’re glued down.
Also, a lot of people are picky about the sauce. This lets people easily scrape off excess sauce if they don’t like it, or add more if they do.
This recipe makes two pizzas.
I’ll warn you that Grawlix-style pizza is very filling. Two 1/8th pie slices utterly defeats me. If I eat three slices, I’m on my ass, full of regret and self-loathing.
Prep time
3-5 days days for the dough, and 30 minutes for the pies
For the dough
King Arthur Bread Flour…….616 g
Water……………………………….345 g
Instant Dry Yeast……………………7.5g
Salt……………………………………11 g
Rendered Bacon fat……………43 g
Honey………………………………..20 g
Baking is chemistry and the quantities matter. That’s why I’m precise with dough measurements, and imprecise with everything else.
For the pizza
Marinara (make your own or use a jar). I don’t know how much. Eyeball it.
10oz of low-moisture mozzarella per pizza, cut into roughly 1” cubes (not shredded!)
A handful or two of shredded parmesan
Butter
Everything seasoning. It's at the store. It’s just all the stuff they put on an everything bagel.
Gear
An oven
A round, metal pan
Rolling pin
Making the dough
Use warm water. NOT HOT. Warm. It should be comfortable to touch. Cozy. The same temperature you’d use for a toddler’s bath water.
Add the yeast and honey and stir it up. Let that mellow for 10-15 minutes. If you don’t see it bubbling and making things happen, something has gone wrong. Toss it and try again. Some people say you don’t need to proof your yeast like this. They are wrong. They are not your friend.
While the yeast is doing its thing, now would be a good time to melt your pig fat. Throw it in a frying pan or microwave it. You don’t want it hot! You want it liquified, but cool enough that it wont murder your yeast. If its liquid and not hot to the touch, you’re golden.
If the yeast is getting to work and feasting on that honey, you can now add the salt, bacon fat, and flour.
Some of you own a mixing machine. You can use that. I don’t own one, so I do it by hand. Stir it and knead it until you have a ball of dough. Then keep going for 5 more minutes. When you’re done, it’ll be sticky. That’s fine.
I leave my dough in a mixing bowl overnight, covered with a lid.
The next day, it’ll be puffed up. Punch it down. Separate the dough into two even pieces. It's hard to eyeball, so I like to use a kitchen scale to get them even. Put those into plastic baggies. Push out all the air, because these are going to expand and continue to generate gas. Put 'em in the fridge. Don’t use the dough for at least another day. Dough reaches optimal performance at 3-5 days after mixing it up.
Making the pizza
I use a big metal pan. Is it better to use a pizza stone and a paddle? Probably. But I don't own those. So I use a circular metal pan. I don’t remember where I got it from, so I can't help you find one.
Start to preheat the oven to 500 F.
Toss a little flour on a work surface and roll out the dough so it’s bigger than the pan. It’ll want to shrink up, so when it’s the right size, let it just sit and relax and accept that it’s fate.
Put a little olive oil on a paper towel and brush down the pan so it’s shiny. You don’t want this super oily (unless you do).
When the oven is preheated, pick up the big dough-disc and drop it onto the pan. Get it centered. It should be too big and drooping off the edges. Roll the edges up until it fits, and you have a grabbable crust.
Be sure to poke the flat part with a fork until it’s dimpled like a golf ball. This’ll stop it from puffing up. Don't do it to the crust. It’s fine if the crust gets puffy.
Is the over hot yet? Yes? Put it in the oven as is. Just the dough, for 4 minutes. No toppings, cheese, or sauce yet.
After 4 minutes, take it out.
If there’s any puffing, puncture it with a knife and deflate it.
Add your toppings: olives, mushrooms, pepperonis, etc.
Put it back in for 4 minutes.
After 4 minutes, take it out.
Sprinkle the parm on there. Add the cubed mozz evenly. Add Italian seasoning, garlic, pepper, or whatever else you like. Put it back in the oven. Check on it in 3 minutes but it might take 5. By using cubed cheese, it takes longer to melt, which gives extra time for the crust and toppings to cook.
It’s done when its melted and just starting to look toasty, like flattened toasted marshmallows. Take it out.
Put the sauce on top and spread it out evenly. Then put butter on the crust and sprinkle everything seasoning on it. Or cajun seasoning. Or garlic. Whatever you’re into.
Put it back in the over for another 2-3 minutes.
Take it out for the last time.
Leave it on the pan to mellow for 6 minutes. Don't take it off the pan yet.
Don’t forget to turn off the oven. I make that mistake all the time.
After 6 minutes, cut it up and get to it.
Notes
This recipe was created at about 6,000 feet above sea level. Your mileage may vary. This is just a recipe. Cooking is what happens when you have to improvise, use your brain, and you can’t rely on strict adherence to instructions you found on the internet.
Variations
There are people who don’t eat the crust. If you live and eat with people like this, get them to church and have them confess their sins at the earliest opportunity. If they refuse to change their ways and they continue to commit themselves to serving Father Satan, you can become an enabler and make a pizza without any crust. Make the pizza exactly the size of the pan and cover all of it with toppings. No crust. Problem solved. Knife and fork may be required.
White pizza: alfredo sauce instead of marinara, white onion, white mushroom, mozzarella, and feta
Salty pizza: bacon, pepperoni, green olives, and feta
My fave: pepperoni, jalapenos, and sausage
Super secret sauce: use a mixture of 1 part-pesto : 4 parts marinara. Its very tasty, but very oily.
The great thing about pizza is that it an excellent way to use up small amounts of food that are wasting away in the fridge. If you have a half cup of leftover kielbasa, that can go on a pizza. A quarter of an onion? That can go on a pizza. A cup of pork verde chili? Why not.
Let me know if you love it, hate it, or found a better way to do it.
